Test this out once…I read a Tony Robbins article and it resonated with me.
“I” versus “YOU”
“YOU are always at school. YOUR job is more important than me”
** ”I felt lonely when we did not get to have dinner together all week.”
“Hun, YOU leave your clothes all over and YOU expect me to clean up after YOU”
** “Husband, I get so confused when you leave your clothes on the floor because I thought I had communicated how important it was to me that they made it in the laundry basket.”
“YOU aren’t listening, did YOU even hear what I said?”
**“I feel resentful and hurt when we are talking and I know your mind is focused on something else.”
Every single couple has arguments and challenges. Sometimes just choosing the right words matters.
When I approach my husband Will, with “YOU” statements, (which I catch myself doing often) I am not taking ownership of my emotions. I am actually placing the blame on him. This opens the door for Will to be much more defensive and resentful.
If, instead, I use “I” statements, I am taking responsibility for what I am thinking and feeling. The chance of him REALLY hearing me goes way up. Plus, it’s such a much more passionate way to communicate.
It seems silly, but it really works. Sometimes it just prevents us from lashing out at the person we love the most.
Try it <3